By August 6, 2013 1 Comments

Crop Circles

Crop-circle-Milk-Hill-2009What’s going on there then? Are the aliens trying to tell us something? If so, can they not simply pick up a phone? They probably did but got stuck in one of those annoying menu systems and gave up. That’s what they’re for, after all. Come on, fess up, who hasn’t given up when faced with one of  those menus?


As I mentioned in a previous post, some MIT students made a crop circle, complete with microwaves and everything, then concluded that all crop circles are therefore hoaxes. By that reasoning, I decorated my house therefore all houses have been decorated by me. We have to be careful when drawing conclusions lest we be blinded by our own brilliance.


Care must also be taken when researching. My dentist likes the saying “Three choices: do nothing, extract it or root canal work.” Nothing to do with crop circles, therefore a dentist is the wrong person to ask. I’d like to ask those hoaxers who claim they made them, but so far no luck in making contact. Maybe SETI could help. I’d particularly like to know how they make several of them in a single night. Have they perhaps also hoaxed a time machine?


In fact ‘crop circles’ is a bit of a misnomer as many aren’t made in crop fields. They’re even appearing in snow. I’d love to know how that could be hoaxed as, unlike in a field of crops, their own footprints can’t be hidden. Obviously the answer is to hoax oneself a levitation device.


So how long have they been around? Perhaps if we think of Stonehenge as a more permanent mark in a field then they’ve been around a hell of a long time. The earliest mention that I’ve found of a crop circle goes back to the 16th Century. There’s a 17th Century English woodcut showing a devil-like being making a crop circle, referred to by locals as ‘The Mowing Devil’. Hard to believe that there were people around back then with enough time on their hands to pull off hoaxes.


Reports were a bit sparse until the 60s and 70s when crop circles started to appear more frequently in the UK and the US. Then they just went mad. Even then it wasn’t until the 80s that the media and scientific types took an interest and made them famous. Not surprisingly, some farmers saw the potential to make a few bob and started to charge admission to view them. A properly made crop circle only bends the crop, without damaging it, so it continues to grow normally, so it’s a nice little incentive to hoax one.


Incidentally, crop circle enthusiasts call themselves ‘cereologists’, presumably after Ceres the Roman goddess of agriculture. They’re also called ‘croppies.’ Most believe the marks are made by aliens. I’d say probably aliens and farmers who charge to see them.


Crop_Circle,_Spinning_Star,_Wiltshire,_EnglandThey’re also not all circular. Many have geometric shapes. So really the term ‘crop circle’ is totally inaccurate in many cases. So what should we call them? Answers in the comments box. Some are works of intricate, mysterious and beautiful art, so I think ‘field art’ sounds cool. We’d have to exclude those that are made on frozen rivers and lakes then though.


‘Field art’ seems to be most prevalent in the south of England; Hampshire, Wiltshire, that sort of place. Interestingly near the sites of Stonehenge and Avebury. Avebury’s awesome. Stonehenge is a pile of old stones in comparison. Early morning when it’s a bit misty is really spooky too.


Many folk believe the circles are alien messages to us. Or maybe to each other. Maybe they’ve got a contest going on to see who makes the best. Maybe to see if we’re smart enough yet for them to deal with us directly without trying to shoot them out of the air. What is it with the military? Whenever a UFO’s spotted they immediately scramble jet fighters and try to shoot it down. If they were hostile we’d know about it by now, surely.


Is crop-circling like those ink blots psychiatrists use to test if we’re crazy? If you see pretty patterns you’re human, if you see high tech weapon designs you’re military, and if you see a hidden message the human/alien hybrid selective breeding programme started at the time of Adam and Eve is working and we’re on the way to becoming really smart. One day maybe smart enough for them to talk to us face to face.


Hoaxes. They thought they could hide from me but I’ve tracked them down. Two English guys, Doug Bower and Dave Chorley, AKA ‘Doug and Dave’, are the most well known hoaxers, claiming to have made hundreds of crop circles since 1978. They even filmed themselves at it for the BBC. They use a bit of plank on a rope. Aliens need high tech spaceships, they only need a plank and a length of rope. Cool.


So, come on Doug and Dave, write in and make your case. Especially tell us how you made the one that was on ice too thin to walk on. I have spoken.



John SimsAbout: John Sims (25 Posts)

Former field archaeologist, retired on health grounds. Writer mostly of short stories and magazine features. Born and bred in Wales and still here. After much travelling of the world it's still the best place to be.

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1 Comment on "Crop Circles"

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  1. Ella says:

    As usual…trying to debunk these crop circles as hoaxes and not telling us what they actually mean.

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